Today's Family, Crazy Blended Edition

People ask me all the time "How do you do it?" and I always ask Do what? The answer is love children that are not biologically mine. I still do not know the answer to this question, for me it is everyday life and it is normal. Maybe we can find the answers together if I share our story.

When Donald and I met he was raising a 6 yr old Amber and a 2 yr old Alex. It seems we became a family with great ease. I was introduced to them as "the babysitter", we were dating but didn't want them to know me with the stigma of "daddy's girlfriend" hanging over them. This allowed them to form their own opinion of me with out pressure. Imagine my delight when about 3 mos into our relationship Amber comes to me and says "Ms. DeAnna, I think you and my daddy need to date." So that next weekend we broke the news that we were dating. And what did Miss Amber have to say about that "I won't call you Mama until you and Daddy are married"....lol. I reassured her that she could call me whatever she was comfortable with as long as she was respectful. I love Amber and Alex with my entire being. I love seeing their dad in their personalities and facial expressions, but something unexpected has happened over the years. I now see me in them. It may only be a word or a smile but I am there and it thrills my heart!

Now you may ask if their first mom was in the picture and she was. We had our rough patches too but always tried to respect each others role in the kids' lives. This is what was best for them, it isn't about me or her or even their dad. It is about them and providing them with a loving, Christ honoring environment. So yes there have been many days I have had to put my self on a shelf and ask God to do His will because the Lord knows I can be selfish, especially when it comes to my kids.Then add to this our 3 children that we adopted together and you get quite the mix. We were led to adoption through foster care through the process of elimination you might say. We lost a baby through private adoption and God just kept wooing us to the foster care system where we eventually adopted our last 3 blessings. I can be quite stubborn, thankfully God is even more patient.

 So the only real answer I can give on how I can love children that came from different families is to draw closer to my heavenly Father and get to know His will for my life and show His love to my children. To me this is the purest form of love and it will never lead me astray.

Matthew 18:5 - And whoso shall receive one such little child in my name receiveth me.

Some tips that may help. Realize that parenting of any kind is not something you do for you and to make you feel good it is for the good of a child. In blended families your spouse and their children come as a package. Your spouse should never feel like they have to choose between you and their children. I also feel that if you as a new stepparent are uncomfortable caring for your spouses children, talk about this and find a solution that is good for everyone, but remember to speak in love. Remember that first and foremost you all are a team, it takes some practice but you can be united and work together for a common goal.

Whats your atittude?

I would like think of myself as the glass is half full kinda girl. I try to stay positive in every situation . I try to look on the bright side. Even though sometimes I find myself searching very hard to find the cloud with the silver lining, because the good makes life worth while and there is always good to be found.

Marriage is all about attitude. If you go into it defeated you will not make it very far. One thing to remember is to not let your past negate your future. Past relationships, past hurts ,past failures. They are just that the past. Leave them there. Don't bring them up, don't hash them over ,don't rekindle thoughts of bitterness.

 In marriage you need to have a attitude of mercy. Forgiveness to one another and love unconditionally. Always start your day with a clean slate both personally and with your spouse. Being tender to each others feelings and needs. Kindness will take you far, and will smooth over a good many bumps along the way.  Happiness is an attitude we choose, not some thing that happens to us. Be happy. Try to better someone else's attitude. So many sour pusses out there. They can ruin the best of days.

Don't allow the devil to steal your joy.

Let's be silly...

Life is so serious. There are issues to be resolve, bills to pay and work to do. With all of this going on we need to take the time to be silly and playful with our families. Today is that day for our family. We are having our first ever "Retro Dinner Party". Everyone is bringing a retro dish that they have always wanted to try. You know the recipes you see and think "People really ate this?". We will visit, laugh and play games and just enjoy being together. When I threw this out as an idea I really thought it would go no where....however I am finding that my family is very excited about it and are really looking forward to this little bit of silliness. So today I am pulling out my vintage linens, making a retro dessert and casserole and enjoying my family. I am not worrying about whether my house is perfect because they love me and do not care. I am just focusing on loving on my family! So join me and make today Silly Saturday!

The words I LOVE YOU !

Andi's darling grandma.

I love my darling grandma to death.  She raised me. She taught me most everything I know. I drive just like her, because she taught me. Lord knows I am in trouble.. because she is now 76 and drives like a mad women! I promise you it takes all that is in me to let her drive me around....but all in all to be her age she is doing really good. She is plagued with many worries  these days. "If its not one thing its another" is her favorite saying. Poor thing, our family has had its share of sickness and even death.

  My grandma is a hard working woman. She always has something in the works. She and my youngest child are the two, that are full of ideas. Some of which get them into trouble. But they sure do have fun!
 My grandmas favorite past time is to sit on her back porch and watch the birds, relax and look at all her lovely flowers.

   After my grandpa died she was so lonely I remember. I always would come in at night and cover her up and take off her glasses and turn off Jay Leno or whatever infomercial  that was on. And kiss her goodnight. She would always say "I love you babe".

 I got married right after graduating high school and of course we moved away. Some how my grandma got away from saying I love you. I would say it but she would not. It bothered me.. it bothered my children. My oldest wouldn't leave her alone.. She'd say "I love you Nana" until my grandma would say back. She would write I love you in my Christmas card every year. I have kept those just so that one day when I can't hear her say it anymore I can read it and know in my heart she loved me more than anything. Whether she said it over the last few years or not. Today amongst all the struggles she calls to tell me of the days happenings and give me a report on "grandpa Marvin " her boy friend. he is in the hospital sick . (prayers are appreciated for him)  when our conversation ended she said "I love you" . I was shocked I hung up and started to cry. I love you too Ma!

 Those three words, I think are the most powerful words you can ever say. They can brighten someone's day. They can make memories.. I know that showing love is just as important , I know that but sometimes its just good to hear! Three words they mean so much... they feel so much.. Love is a verb!Love is living! Tell someone you love them. Let them know you need them. Don't let it take a tragedy to make you say it. It shouldn't hurt to say it. It should just be a releasing of whats in your heart. I love you! I love you Taylor, I love my kids Lydi, Ethan, Mattie, I love you Ma! I never want it said that I never said it or didn't say it enough. If I have gotten lazy in doing so please forgive me. I do forever love you! I love all my friends and family. I am blessed. So are you. Don't take those three words for granted. They are free they cost you nothing to say. Other then the cost of regret if  you DON'T.

Good Morning Sunshine!

Take the time this morning to connect with your spouse before heading out for the day. Let them know you love them and are thinking of them throughout the day! It will make for a very happy homecoming this evening!

Have a Seat!

Remember the good ole days when we had bench seating in the front of the car? Dating was so much fun. You could get in the car, slide over and grab his hand, kiss his cheek. Sit real close and share a french fry . Or even steal a kiss at the red light! Oh my how times have changed! Where did those seats go. I think they saved most marriages back in the day. We still had closeness. One thing I do know is when I am with my husband I always let him drive. I always have.

 One day he asked me, why I moved? I said "hunh"? He said I am still setting here. You never slide over any more. WOW, what an eye opener.

 I realized with having three children and crazy schedules. We don't connect as much as we used to. I have even found that the only time I now sit by my husband is at church in the pew! I thought about this the other day. Why we have a love seat.. We should put it to good use! Normally he is in his big man chair and I am on the computer or on the couch. We are worlds apart in the same room. This must end! Bring back the bench seats, bring back the church pew! Wrap your arm around me sweetheart!

 I want to take my seat back. I want to re-establish what we lost. I want that closeness. I am taking my rightful seat! That's where God wants me. If I am not there, my seat is empty. That is no good.

Take time to get close again. Go for a Sunday drive around the block. Go back in time,enjoy that moment and reconnect, remember to love the man God gave you! No matter how bumpy the ride.

Stay off the rabbit trails.

Let us stop and take a closer look at this business of being remade by God. Our stubbornness can get in the way. I know this all too well. In 2000 my first marriage came to an end after a little over 3 years. As a couple we were a disaster. Why? Selfishness and stubbornness, plain and simple. I wanted my way and he wanted his way and neither of us thought to get out of God's way and seek HIS will, until it was too late, at least in our fleshly eyes it was too late.

My ex filed for divorce and I was served the papers at work. I remember vividly coming home after leaving work early. I got to my apartment, opened the front door and walked in, collapsed on the floor and just sobbed. As a christian I knew what God felt about us being divorced. I had done every thing that I knew would honor God as far as waiting until I was married to be intimate, I was a faithful wife. In fact I had never even dated or kissed another man, this shouldn't be happening. Then God gently reminded me that I knew that marrying this man had been wrong. We didn't share the same belief system. There were caution signs evident all through our relationship before we married. God had simply stepped back and allowed me to do what I thought was best. How wrong I had been. I didn't want this blemish on my record for all time, I wanted my marriage back and I wanted God to heal it. Was that so hard? It wasn't too hard for God but God doesn't force himself on us. If we choose divorce then He steps back and allows it. I had chosen to enter into a marriage that I knew was not honoring to God, I was paying the consequences of my own actions.

Let me stop here and say that even as a divorced woman I do not agree that we should view our marriages as temporary. We shouldn't look for an out when things get tough, we should look to God. Our broken marriage was not what my ex-wanted nor did I want it in it's current state. The problems we faced were HUGE and seemed humanly insurmountable. However this did not take God by surprise and He had a plan in place for my life. What I rest in, is the fact that I prayed daily for God to restore what we had broken, while waiting for those divorce papers. I should have continued looking to God even when the answer was no, the marriage was over. However I decided to turn my back on God for almost 3 years. When I look back on that time I wish things were different. God did not deserve my silence and disobedience. This was not His fault and I realize that I lost valuable time that could have been spent at the feet of my Savior and Lord, growing, learning and serving. Before my divorce I looked at my marriage as the path I was on. After and in my marriage with Donald I realize the view is broader. The Path I am traveling is one of service to my King Jesus, Donald is the only person I want to travel this path with, to be successful we both have to stay focused on the goal and not get sidetracked by other things that do not matter. In Christ, we are more than enough for each other if we keep things in the proper perspective.

Proverbs 4:25 ESV  Let your eyes look directly forward, and your gaze be straight before you.

Deviled Eggs?

When I think about life sometimes. I think of deviled eggs. Funny, right? Bear with me here. 

  Before being put in hot water the eggs are fresh, versatile, they can be used to make just about anything.  Then we move away from God or out of a situation He put us in to strengthen us and we find ourselves in hot water so to speak. We start to toughen up, we are no longer as versatile or pliable as we started out. Then Our hearts are hardened because of the sin. Until we are cooked! It doesn't take long to callous our hearts toward the things of God or to rearrange our lives from what God intended to what we want.  Wow, that was fast! How did we get here? Why didn't we just follow His plan? All of this damage we caused cannot be reversed, cannot be undone. 

The hard shell has to be chipped away. Our yolk (heart) has changed. We could have been just about anything we ever wanted (anything He ever wanted) but no we had to get into the hot water. God has to cut us down the middle and scoop out our heart (yolk), we have to repent, turn away from our sin and our own will. This is a painful but necessary process to restore our fellowship with our Father.

 1 John 1:9 - If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us [our] sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.

James 4:10 - Humble yourselves in the sight of the Lord, and he shall lift you up.

 He then has to soften us, with the oil of His word and the conviction of the Holy Spirit. Then God adds salt to enhance our flavor. Then HE puts HIS handiwork into the empty hole inside us, for us to be presentable again. And now we are fuller than we ever dreamed. He has taken what we made into a mess and made us beautiful. 

Therefore if any man be in Christ, he is a new creature: old things are passed away; behold, all things are become new. ~2 Corinthians 5:17

We look good on the plate because we have allowed the Great Physician to heal us through repentance and the desire to do God's will according to His Word. No matter how tough or cracked our shell was He was able to reconcile us to Himself  because we surrendered fully to His plan. We can never go backwards and be completely fresh and pliable again but God wasn't taken by surprise and still worked all things for our good. We made it to the plate...

Psalms 50:15 -  
And call upon me in the day of trouble: I will deliver thee, and thou shalt glorify me.

Bitterness' Buddy

Ladies From The Family Of Mr William Mason Of Colchester

So God has really been working on my heart and things were going well. He has shown me that bitterness had taken a deep root in my spirit and He has been removing it. Well, what do think should happen? Bitterness' buddy shows up. Who is that you may ask? GOSSIP. Gossip is evil and comes in many forms. One form that sneaks up on me is "I just need to talk this out." Don't be fooled, many times all you are doing is gossiping. I have been guilty of this yesterday and today and have had to just walk away from conversations because I know that God is not pleased and I shouldn't be either. I ask for forgiveness and ask God to show me how to have a more Godly lifestyle....I want to be a stronger Christian and more effective for Him

 Proverbs 21:23 - Whoso keepeth his mouth and his tongue keepeth his soul from troubles.

Let me tell you when things bother us about our spouses, friends, etc, take it to the Lord and to the person that it is about. That is how to get things resolved without them getting worse. Sometimes we do need Godly counsel but be very careful who you allow to counsel you. You want someone who is strong in their walk with the Lord and who is able to be neutral and point you to God's Word and Will for your life. And that my dear friend is a tall order, take it seriously.

1 Timothy 5:13 - And withal they learn [to be] idle, wandering about from house to house; and not only idle, but tattlers also and busybodies, speaking things which they ought not.

What is gossip? I am so glad you asked, "Idle talk which foolishly or maliciously spreads rumours or facts. The effects of gossiping are divisive and destructive." I have people tell me all the time that it is not gossip if it is factual....but my dear friend it is and nothing good can come from it. Gossip I do feel is the water that is used to sow seeds of bitterness. So beware the next time you open your mouth for a little chat. I am learning that keeping my walk with Christ where it should be takes focus and diligence.

Ephesians 4:29 - Let no corrupt communication proceed out of your mouth, but that which is good to the use of edifying, that it may minister grace unto the hearers.

I have a EATING DISORDER... PLEASE HELP!

I got your attention didn't I?

If you have seen my profile you realize, I am a big girl, but that's not what I am talking about! In the past I have let BITTERNESS EAT ME ALIVE ! I know of many ladies (myself included and DeAnna too) that give their joy away by letting bitterness creep in and stay. Whether it be toward your husband or your kids ,even our own church family. The devil is a deceiver. He knows where to attack us, how to CRIPPLE us. That's what bitterness does. It's UUUGGG A LLLYY. Imagine an apple if you will ,all red and pretty. I get mad at my spouse for something and I let bitterness get in my heart about it, my apple gets bite marks on it, the thing about these bite marks is they are invisible to the naked eye. A worm has crept in and is doing damage from the inside out. Every thing looks great and pretty to the world but there is a cancer invading and taking over. Every time something happens in my life and I hang onto it and don't surrender it to the Lord, I let bitterness grow and I get more and more bitter. My apple dies even more. I am not beautiful anymore. I am broken. My core is being attacked. I start to shrivel up and die. I become nothing but a shell. BUT I started out as this beautiful whole apple. Red and shiny and good. I don't want the end of my life to be just an empty shell! Beware, bitterness is like that it eats at you. it nags at you and attacks your mind. Most of the time its in our own head, there isn't much validity to it. We let some small thing build and build until it has a place of prominence when it should have just been some passing annoyance. We don't tell the person that we feel has wronged us, we just feed our root of bitterness. And so many times they have no idea how we feel. (When you go to someone with a wrong make sure you go to them in love) This makes the issue one sided and gives bitterness a fertile ground to grow in.  In cases like this we are our own worst enemy.

 Hebrews 12:15 - Looking diligently lest any man fail of the grace of God; lest any root of bitterness springing up trouble [you], and thereby many be defiled;

James 5:16 - Confess [your] faults one to another, and pray one for another, that ye may be healed. The effectual fervent prayer of a righteous man availeth much.

 Luke 17:4 - And if he trespass against thee seven times in a day, and seven times in a day turn again to thee, saying, I repent; thou shalt forgive him.


*Sitting and sulking in your own little pool of hatred can't be good for your physical or spiritual health. We need to learn to give things over to the Lord, ask for His will and how these situations can make us stronger and move on for His glory... I won't allow bitterness to get the best of me! Who wants icecream?

Yakety yak don't talk back...

Not Andi's Trash.

 Take out the papers and the trash... today my husband forgot. It's trash day,again.  We have 6 large, trash bags that are stacked everywhere all around my kitchen floor. Well, I will fix him. I am NOT cooking dinner tonight.
My hubby after working hard all day comes home to me ,mad as a wet hen. No dinner made,and I nag him and complain. Why didn't you take out the trash? hunh? It wouldn't kill you ,you know!
 Now with that being said. I only did that once! A very long time ago. Was that the attitude I should have taken? No, Wives we  are to be a help mates to your husbands. So what if he forgets or doesn't get around to taking it out when you think he should. My hubby works hard. He provides for us as a family . I am his helper, he is mine. We are a team. When he is weak I am strong. Vice versa.  So honey, can you hold the door? While I grab the trash.

The Call

Ring ring , ring  ring. "Hello", this is your wake up call"!

 Life is a whirlwind! Do you feel like you are going 90 to nothing everyday? I sure do. Here lately everywhere I turn I have one more thing to do. It seems like the craziness will never stop. I am known to say "CALGON TAKE ME AWAY", often.

 I can't explain in words how good God is. I know it in my heart. I have to praise Him for my crazy life. I have a good business, great family ,wonderful church. I am blessed. Do I wish I could slow things down ? Yes! Seems like yesterday my sweet little girl was born, now she is looking at colleges and telling me all of her hopes and dreams for the future. Where has time gone?? Really was I so busy raising my kids and working that  I missed it? I mean I thought I took life one day at a time, but those days have flown by. I am not ready!  Next year I will have one in college, one in high school and one in middle school. I have NO MORE BABIES! It saddens me. It shocks me. It baffles my mind.

Ring ring, ring ring " Hello this is MY wake up call. 

   My kids have been my life, everything I have done revolves around them and my hubby. My kids don't need me so much anymore. What ever will we do?
 I tell you what I am going to do: I am going to get up and pray for my babies. for their future. For their mates. I am going to be here. To guide them, to advise them, to love them. To be an ENCOUGAGER . oh ,wait.... back up. I have been doing that. I do that now. I did it before they were born. I did it before I was married.  I prayed for them , as I did my husband. That part will never change!

We are the parents God gave our children. Not just for 18 years but for life. Now this role does change as they grow up and leave and cleave to the spouses God has for them, but we are still parents.

Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it. Prov.22:6 

Together my husband and I have tried to do just that.  We are knitting an intricate life, mixed with many different threads and personalities. I hope our life's tapestry will be the work of art God intended. For the sake of my children I will wake up, I will answer my call to be their mother to the best of my ability. I along with my husband will train them, guide them ,encourage them. So I will take the crazy, the hectic. I will take it all. For I know that I am shaping lives that will one day GLORIFY our LORD like no other. I will take the call! The call to mother.

The Care and Keeping of Your Marriage.

    

In my mind marriage is a place, somewhere we choose to dwell and to care for. Hopefully it is somewhere you feel content and at home. However many times we feel out of place, inadequate and frustrated. I believe this happens when we let negative world messages into our hearts and minds instead of what God teaches us about marriage. We should wear blinders to keep us focused on what is ours and what God has given us. This blinder is God's Word. Meditating on what God teaches us about marriage keeps us focused on the right things, and we are less likely to feel frustrated and inadequate when we see ourselves and our spouses in the light of God's word.

Wherewithal shall a young man cleanse his way? by taking heed thereto according to thy word.

With my whole heart have I sought thee: O let me not wander from thy commandments.

Thy word have I hid in mine heart, that I might not sin against thee.

 Blessed art thou, O Lord: teach me thy statutes.

 With my lips have I declared all the judgments of thy mouth.

 I have rejoiced in the way of thy testimonies, as much as in all riches.

 I will meditate in thy precepts, and have respect unto thy ways.

 I will delight myself in thy statutes: I will not forget thy word.

~Psalm 119:9-16

Our Spouse is our gift from our Heavenly Father. They are our portion in this life and WE are THEIRS.
It is so easy to concentrate on ourselves and forget that we are entrusted with another person's heart and emotions. Please remember when dealing with your marriage and spouse that perfection is not an option and shouldn't be sought after. This will only lead to frustration and discontent with what we have been blessed with. I would also caution against comparing your marriage and spouse to other marriages and people. Our marriages are unique, works of art designed to bring about God's will in our lives. Don't miss out on what God has given you and what He is teaching you by comparing.

My beloved is mine, and I am his...~Song of Solomon 2:16

And above all these things put on charity, which is the bond of perfectness. ~Colossians 3:14

Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it; ~Ephesians 5:25

One way we can stay content is by "studying" our spouse and our marriage. What unique qualities does your spouse bring into your marriage? How are they special? What have you learned from them and their perspective on life? How does my spouse bring out the best in me? How can I bring out and encourage the best in my spouse? What do you love most about your marriage? What would you like to see more of in your relationship with your spouse?

But godliness with contentment is great gain. ~I Timothy 6:6

Ye lust, and have not: ye kill, and desire to have, and cannot obtain: ye fight and war, yet ye have not, because ye ask not.~James 4:2

There are many devices in a man's heart; nevertheless the counsel of the Lord, that shall stand.
~Proverbs 19:21

Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding.
 In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths. ~Proverbs 3:5-6

Acknowledge that your marriage is unique. It has it's own personality and set of characteristics that make it unique and special. Marriages are not mass produced and should not be a product of our society's ideals or lack thereof. Just as you cannot compare a Rembrandt to a Monet because they are special and should be appreciated on their own uniqueness and merit. So it should be with our marriages. Each marriage is precious in God's sight for it's own unique reasons.

  

Fix or Repair Daily

Andi's In-Laws

It really is the little things in a marriage that can make it work. sometimes the big things in a marriage falter , or get broken ,like communication .Do you ever just forget to talk to each other? I know we talk about our kids ,the chores that need attention around the house. The repairs on the car, or even the unhappy job you have.  What about the talk that matters. The eye contact,  not looking up from your iPod or computer screen.( I am VERY guilty). Letting your spouse know they have your undivided attention. That heart to heart talk , that only you two can share. Do you ever compliment your spouse? Tell them they look good, or better yet smell good. Tell them maybe their hair looks good, or in my case want to be on my really good side. Tell me I have lost a pound or two.. always a good starter for a good day!
 Have you called your spouse to tell them that you missed them while they are at work? I know we text it.. Next time a hand written note would be great . We can keep those!
 Call him at work ladies, let him know he is cared for missed and is very much a part of your family even though in body he isn't there. don't talk about the kids and problems. He has enough to deal with, he is at work. That is stress enough. Attract him to you ,by your TALK, entice him to want no other because you are his bride. His lover , his friend.  Trust me ladies if you don't.. For every rat ya see theirs 50 ya don't and I'm not talking about rodents. Other ladies will try to steal your man.
  My husband doesn't text, never has had the technology to do so. the other day out of the blue I get a text saying "I love you" granted I thought someone had the wrong number, but it was so sweet of him to think of me. He hacked my daughters phone to tell me that! What a sweetie!
  Communication  is key to any relationship. If your communication is broken, fix it! You may have to fix and repair it daily. A happy home is worth  it.  Let him know he makes you happy!!! Tell him!

 * A little side note: One year on Valentines Day as a romantic gesture. I cut out hundreds of paper hearts made of construction paper. On each heart I wrote a reason why I loved him. Why I respected him, what I appreciated about him. He kept all those hearts. He has them tucked away in one of his drawers. Maybe the one with the holey underwear!  I am not sure, but it is a treasure to my husband!  Let your husband know what makes you happy, keep talking! If its broke ,fix it! Fix your line of communication. You can do it! I know you can.

Happy Labor Day!

Today as you bbq and enjoy the day off, take the time to show your spouse a little extra love. A kind word, a little flirt it makes the fun times even better!