Today's Family, Crazy Blended Edition

People ask me all the time "How do you do it?" and I always ask Do what? The answer is love children that are not biologically mine. I still do not know the answer to this question, for me it is everyday life and it is normal. Maybe we can find the answers together if I share our story.

When Donald and I met he was raising a 6 yr old Amber and a 2 yr old Alex. It seems we became a family with great ease. I was introduced to them as "the babysitter", we were dating but didn't want them to know me with the stigma of "daddy's girlfriend" hanging over them. This allowed them to form their own opinion of me with out pressure. Imagine my delight when about 3 mos into our relationship Amber comes to me and says "Ms. DeAnna, I think you and my daddy need to date." So that next weekend we broke the news that we were dating. And what did Miss Amber have to say about that "I won't call you Mama until you and Daddy are married"....lol. I reassured her that she could call me whatever she was comfortable with as long as she was respectful. I love Amber and Alex with my entire being. I love seeing their dad in their personalities and facial expressions, but something unexpected has happened over the years. I now see me in them. It may only be a word or a smile but I am there and it thrills my heart!

Now you may ask if their first mom was in the picture and she was. We had our rough patches too but always tried to respect each others role in the kids' lives. This is what was best for them, it isn't about me or her or even their dad. It is about them and providing them with a loving, Christ honoring environment. So yes there have been many days I have had to put my self on a shelf and ask God to do His will because the Lord knows I can be selfish, especially when it comes to my kids.Then add to this our 3 children that we adopted together and you get quite the mix. We were led to adoption through foster care through the process of elimination you might say. We lost a baby through private adoption and God just kept wooing us to the foster care system where we eventually adopted our last 3 blessings. I can be quite stubborn, thankfully God is even more patient.

 So the only real answer I can give on how I can love children that came from different families is to draw closer to my heavenly Father and get to know His will for my life and show His love to my children. To me this is the purest form of love and it will never lead me astray.

Matthew 18:5 - And whoso shall receive one such little child in my name receiveth me.

Some tips that may help. Realize that parenting of any kind is not something you do for you and to make you feel good it is for the good of a child. In blended families your spouse and their children come as a package. Your spouse should never feel like they have to choose between you and their children. I also feel that if you as a new stepparent are uncomfortable caring for your spouses children, talk about this and find a solution that is good for everyone, but remember to speak in love. Remember that first and foremost you all are a team, it takes some practice but you can be united and work together for a common goal.